Monday, September 22, 2014

My greatest loss part 1

    I've been dreading having to write this post. Purposely avoiding having to talk about the most horrible thing I've ever had to experience. I am a very emotional person and I've always been able to express how I feel by writing it down. It's hard to open up a page here and not be 100% honest. I'm always second guessing myself about how much I am willing to share here. I've fought the urge to write angry rants and posts about many things because I don't want my business out there. I'm sitting in my kitchen, already feeling a flood of emotion as I write. 

    A few days after Christmas of last year, my baby brother, Jorge "jro" and his girlfriend, went missing. My family and I didn't find out till almost a week later. 

   Dec.27 was the last time I texted him. On Dec.29, my daughter completely made my blood run cold when she began to sing a song ( she had gotten a simple little microphone set for Christmas and was on it all the time.) "I miss my uncle Jro, I love my uncle Jro" ...I asked her to stop singing that, I honestly  do not know why it made me so uncomfortable, but it did. 


    Out of respect for my parents and my family I do not want to get into too much detail about it. I want to share what I can because I feel he deserves I let people know. In everyone's minds his girlfriend Melissa and he, had run away. My parents shared our story of desperation on Spanish local news, in local newspapers in the hopes that someone would've seen them. I was broken. I knew Melissa and Jro well enough to know that they Would NEVER leave without telling us. I tried to steer my mind away from negative thoughts. I tried not to let people's negative assumptions of Jro and Melissa get to me. I shielded my kids from the nightmare all of us were living as best as I could. They'd ask for their uncle and I'd say he was busy working. They never questioned it because he was such a hard worker. 

  The police were investigating, unthinkable questions were asked and my heart ached for my little brother. I just wanted to see him again. I'll never forget that at one point some awful woman claimed to have seen them walking along a highway and that she offered them a ride to a shelter because it was too cold and they had no jackets. Around that time it was extremely cold already, we had just had a terrible blizzard. My parents and the police rushed to that area, put up flyers everywhere and hoped.

 I can't remember the exact day in mid January when I had received the most awful call. They're bodies were found. They were less than 15 minutes away from my home. (Melissa lived very close to me in a near by town) They hadn't ran away, they didn't hurt each other, nobody had hurt them, all the theories that were made were wrong. They were found in my brother's car inside Melissa's garage (it was a garage separate from her families apartment ) They passed away from carbon monoxide poisioning and their death was ruled accidental. A tragic horrible accident. I share this now because the investigation was officially closed just two months ago.  I share this because when it was reported they were found on local newspapers etc i read disgusting, filthy comments people left. They were words by  ignorant strangers but they hurt. Nobody deserves any explanation and everyone is entitled to their opinion but it is so wrong to speak so ill of the two kindest and selfless people I know. 

  You can watch and read about tragic stories Iike this everyday, and you can feel for families when they loose someone they love ( you can even think about how much you would never want to have to live through something Ike that) but trust me you can never even fathom the pain we feel. Two families were forever changed and marked and our lives will never be the same. 

I can't even explain how horrible I felt (and still do) watching my parents and sister suffer. I couldn't even bring myself to tell my kids, my husband and father did that.  The beautiful bond they both had with their uncle and best friend is what made the thought of breaking their little hearts incredibly hard. There is no one that can tell me otherwise, but my little Sarah could feel that something terrible had happened to her uncle, that's why that song she sang made me so uncomfortable. They had passed that same weekend  she sang that song and nobody found out until almost a month later.

 We all became very ill  with the flu at the time of Jro's funeral so it's still such a blur to me. It was on January 23-24 and burial on the same day. I remember very clearly being very angry at times. It was good I was sick, because I could easily see myself kicking people out. The things you see at funerals can amaze you. There was a ton of support and I am forever grateful but it was all one big nightmare.....a nightmare that just seemed to get worse as months went on. The police were still investigating and although we had buried my baby brother there were still many questions. We were left in a state of limbo. It's weird, ya know, having to move on with your life when nothing will ever really be the same. I have never experienced death this strongly before. I had only lost someone very important to me once before (my mother) but I was just a baby then. I only sometimes feel like I miss her, like how her hugs  and support would feel, in a time like this.  

  I learned how big my heart is, let me much love, suffering, anger and pain it can hold. There's a part in it where I share the pain my parents feel, the pain my mother feels loosing a son, (as a mother, I shiver at the thought of loosing a child) i always felt like a second mom to him...ever since he was a baby all I did was take care of him.  The pain my Dad feels for loosing his only son. My sister her brother.  The pain my husband feels about loosing his brother and best friend. Jro was his brother and there was no doubt about that, they were inseparable! ( I always felt like the third wheel with those two) My son loosing the best uncle ever, his best friend,  the one that loved him and spoiled him, the one that was always so proud of all his accomplishments. He'd spend hours recording Jonathan make "movies" while playing with his toys. Jonathan respected him more than us. He looked forward to seeing him everyday!  Sarah, my baby Sarah, I can't even put into words the special bond they both had, he was her everything, her hero, her knight in shining armor all rolled into one. Her superman uncle. The best babysitter they could ever have.


Life is hard.........things happen without an explanation or warning and sometimes all you can do is get by one day at a time. I am forever changed.......


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

30 things I learned by my 30th birthday


Wow. I haven't been to my little forgotten blog in months ( mind you my lack of keeping up with it is nothing new) but the last time I posted was almost 9 months ago! My brother passed away late December of last year and it was the most awful thing that has EVER happened to me. I missed this space, but I am still very much emotional about it all and it's hard for me to fight the urge and write about it all  that has happened without ranting and raving, and crying ,etc. I will write about that soon!

  Anyway, I just turned 30 years old and I have to say, I don't know if it's because I'm in denial, but I really don't feel 30. I have nothing against it. It's just unbelievable how fast the time goes. 
I was up Sunday night thinking about my life and everything that has led me to this point. There have been so many ups and downs (especially this year) in my 29 years that I can very proudly say I have learned a lot. So, in no particular order, I will share at least 30. 

1. My family is the most important thing in my life. (God first) but after that they are #1. Period. 

2. In relation to #1: I can be the kindest, and nicest person, I say that because that's how I choose to carry myself,(my best to everyday anyway) but once you mess with my family-my kids or my husband, I do not care who you are, I will go all HULK on you and that is a guarantee!

3. Loyalty and honesty are also very important to me.

4. Although it took me awhile to realize it, becoming a Mom at 19 was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It forced me to be more responsible and independent. 

5. I'd rather have a few friends that I can count in one hand, that be surrounded by a lot of fake ones.

6. If people do not pay your bills their opinion shouldn't matter. It took me awhile to realize that one too.   I have always cared way too much about other's opinions.

7. Always, always trust your gut and your instincts about anyone and anything. I am constantly reminded of that. To this day I can count on one hand the times I have not been right about that.

8. My goals and dreams from 15 years ago are very different than what they are now and that's ok.

9. Love matter what. I learned to love my crooked teeth, weird thumbs, chicken legs, freckles because that is what makes me, me. There is no other Delia out there. That is the beauty of this world that everyone is different. It's exhausting trying to be someone you're not!

10. Do not hold grudges! It's a waste of time. I know this,believe me I do. ( not be a fool. If the same things keep happening than something's gotta change! Remember what keeps being done and cut ties immediately)

11. Live life... Love life ...cherish each and everyday and don't stop living.

12. Apologize, don't be stubborn.

13. Marriage is work. You have to be willing to make it work and that means you have to always consider someone else's feelings above your own.

14. Material things are not important. One day you might have to find yourself loosing almost everything and things that happen will force you to be humble and appreciate what is really important.

15. I am not ashamed to say that I love people. I do. I am constantly inspired and amazed by people. There is enough envy in this world... Tell someone that they inspire you!

16. Travel, travel, travel....I am the stay-at home traveller, you know someone with a list of the million places they wish they could visit but can't afford to visit.ha!

17. Get out of your comfort zone once in awhile. Or at least pretend you're confident to the point where one day you might actually believe it.

18. Life is unfair, in so many ways it can be SO unfair. It's hard for me to wrap my head around it . You can be surrounded by toxic people, you know those who just exude negativity constantly and they just don't go away, like a bad rash, or a bad cold, no matter how much you try. But that one person that meant the world to you, your brother and best friend, is forever physically gone. Life can be cruel.

19. Be happy

20. Depression and anxiety hit me hard when I was pregnant with my first and stuck around after that. It's horrible, I fought it, and I do it for my family. They are constantly my reason for not letting the depression monster take over, I refuse to let it.

21. Be positive. I can't help being a "Debby downer". That's why I try to be positive on here and on my Instagram, and other places. I'm not trying to portray a life of perfection and constant happiness, or "fakeness". It's my way of looking back and remembering all those things that brought me joy, all that I hold dear.

22. Things always happen for a reason.

23. Make mistakes and learn from them!

24. I miss my mom all the time. I need her. I was very young when she passed away, but she is always on my mind. I wonder if I am like her in anyway or just a little. I wish I could've met her. 

25. Don't stop trying. 

26. I have this habit, even more now with so much loss and change, to try and fix what is broken, to mend relationships that, I feel are important to me. No one can ever say that I never tried. That is the honest truth.

27. My most important reason to try and constantly better myself is for my children. I want to be a good example for them.

28. Is it foolish and naive for me to say that I want to live??! I want to die of old age! I mean only God knows my future and my purpose- He knows what's ahead, but I want to be there for my husband and children. I want to grow old with my hubby and retire off to some luxury retirement home in Florida! Ha!
I want to see my babies graduate, marry and have babies of their own. I want to meet my grand babies!(my stomach churns at the thought of not being able to do that)

29. Be smart about money! The worst feeling ever is getting into debt you can't quite get control of or not having emergency money when it's necessary.

30. Barely made this is MY list of some of the things I have learned through experience. A lot of them are very similar...but then it wouldn't be a 30 on 30 post!;) 
You might not agree with them... That's ok. Everyone has their own truths and advice. I do not consider myself the wisest person or the most mature....age is really just a number.. Age doesn't make you mature. Life does! On to toasting myself( yes I am actually toasting myself...hold up your glass of lemonade or other beverage)
 " I've made it another year and I can only hope that this will be the year of change and love. Only looking forward and striving for what's best. Living it up on my 30th!!!!"

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Kmart and Sears FREE In-Store Pick Up #spon

**** Presented by Mami Innovative Media, this is a sponsored post on behalf of Sears and Kmart. All opinions expressed here are my own.**

The holidays seem to be the busiest time of the year. Between shopping, untangling lights, wrapping (or unwrapping) and baking dozens of cookies, your regular life doesn't press pause. (Especially when you're a leave everything to the last minute person like I am).  I am always running around days (sometimes even hours) before Christmas shopping for my loved ones. There is no Christmas miracle for making the holidays less busy. You can, however, find little ways to relieve the stress and smile more!:)

I am here to tell you that there is a way! Sears and Kmart offer FREE in-store pickup and you can  earn points while you shop! 

Both Sears and Kmart offer free in store pickup and $10 back in points when you spend $59! You  can shop thousands of gifts online in the comfort of your own home before picking up your items in store in 5 minutes guaranteed (or whenever you’re ready). With in store pickup you’ll avoid lines, busy stores and the wasted time of walking down every aisle. You can even have a relative or friend pick up your order and pay in store with cash if you'd prefer! It's all good!!

Now your only dilemma would be to figure out  what you will do with all that extra free time you'll have and those extra points??! A few ideas include:  give yourself a gift using your points before volunteering at a shelter, making gingerbread houses with the kids or simply putting your feet up and enjoying the view of the Christmas tree.

 The ONLINE portion of the event is from Saturday 12/7/13 starting at 6PM CT through Tuesday 12/10/13 at 9AM CT. The IN-STORE event is on Sunday, 12/8/13 ONLY.

I personally can not wait to try out all the amazing offers! Learn more from Sears and Kmart!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

UPDATE: The Hudson County Baby and Toddler Bash

Click Here for Tickets

NJ Moms Guide is hosting a wonderful event, The Hudson County Baby and Toddler Expo!

There will be workshops, giveaways, spa stations and plenty of treats. For more info and to purchase tickets please visit NJ MOMS GUIDE !

*****I get the wonderful opportunity to giveaway a VIP GIFT BAG TICKET to a very lucky reader!! Woohoo!!***
Just follow rafflecopter instructions!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This contest is open to everyone so if there's someone special in your life that you think might love to attend then you know what to do!!

*Use Promo Code BABYBASH13 for FREE Basic Entry tickets

*Use Promo Code vipdiscount for 25% off VIP gift bag tickets

Just head on over to
It can't get any better than that!!:)

***This contest ends on Friday November 8, 2013 Midnight EST!!!!  Winner will receive their ticket VIA email from NJMOMSGUIDE

***The following post is sponsored by New Jersey Moms Guide . I was given two tickets for giveaway purposes only. I did not receive any monetary compensation for this post. However, I was given two additional tickets to attend the event. All opinions are entirely my own.***

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Fire Me Up Studio #event

 My family and I will be attending this FREE event this Saturday!! All are welcome! 

Fire Me Up! Studio


Fire Me Up! Studio, a new studio opening in Cranford, will offer paint-your-own pottery, glass fusing, clay hand-building projects and host art classes and workshops. The studio will also feature Ladies Night and Tween Nights and host open studio hours for walk-in customers and even personalized events and parties.
On Saturday, September 21st from 10am to 12pm, Fire Me Up! will have a Grand Opening Party open to the public and will allow families to tour the space and create a small piece of artwork. Balloon artists, Face Painting, Drinks and Treats will be served.

On Thursday, September 26th from 7-9pm, Fire Me Up! will host an Adults-Only Grand Opening event offering Mini Chair Massages by Elements Therapeutic Spa in Cranford, a Wine tasting, and Lite bites.

Fire Me Up! Studio will be opening at 117 N. Union Avenue

For more information: Tammie Crispino at sales@firemeupstudio or visit

*** I was not compensated in any way for this post. All opinions are my own***

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


I find it more difficult to sit here and write. I don't know if it's because I barely had a chance to do it all summer or because I have a ton more responsibility now than before. Whatever the reason, I have to admit that at times I am not too bothered by it. It feels more like a task sometimes and I don't even know why because I don't even know what direction I want to take with this blog. In the beginning, I just wanted to share and remember all the important  and not so important things in our lives because I have a horrible memory and I want to look back and reminisce about every single thing in my family's lives. Part of me longs to be able to sit here, and write about what I love and actually get a good amount of income coming in for it. Now I don't care anymore about why I'm doing it.

I realize time and again that I need to be more open and honest here, share the good and the bad because life isn't always so peachy. I am always focusing on all the negative that is going on around me and I didn't want that here. There's just always a little part of me that doesn't want to share too much. You never know who's reading. I am WAY more open when I write than in person.....It's easy to hide behind a computer screen. I don't know if I'm ready for something like that. It's sad to admit but I opened this blog a long time ago and I continue to just hold back.

I'll be doing different things around the house and my mind starts racing in different directions and I think, wow I want to write about this on the blog and then I'm like, Do I really want to do that?? (The fear of being judged overwhelms me.) So I keep going about my day and those ideas I had are quickly forgotten. this is a rant of sorts going in no particular direction. Just Venting!

I can vent right?! It's good for the soul.

If I am going to take the time to sit here from the millions of things I have to do I have decided to change a few things. I am not going to push myself anymore on what I want out of this little blog of mine because it has obviously not worked for me. I will be more open because if someone in Alaska can read this and I won't be bothered then one of my fellow PTA moms will too and I'll live. People are going to form their own opinions of you with truths or assumptions the same way so I will not let that slow me down.

I am also not going to pressure myself about when I have to post because that always leads to bad posts and just awfulness all around. I am not perfect but sometimes it's easy to assume that my blog has to be a certain way and it doesn't.

I am battling a bad cold/flu right now so I hope this isn't just the cold medicine talking, kidding, but I do hope I remember this when I 'm feeling better.

I am really looking forward to getting back to my links to love posts because I just love oversharing, because that's who I am. I see something I like, or LOVE, and I want to tell you about so that maybe you can love it as much as I do Whether it's a good post I just read about one of my favorite bloggers or a favorite restaurant that my family and I love to eat at I will be sharing about it!